At night I feel like a spectator. I blend in, I stand out as much as the treetops stand out from under the black void above. I sink into the environment and become a part of it, I am no different from the asphalt on the ground or the shadows that lurk behind me. I become as meaningless and meaningful as the bricks that lay the pavement.
In the daytime I have to put on a facade, a mask - an act for people, but at night there are no people. I can rip off the mask and crush it on the asphalt beneath me.
Over time these night walks have become highly ritualized, like some TV serial killer's. First I wait until it is fully dark, not even a hint of blue light is allowed in the night sky. Second, I get ready to go out, I turn on 1 light in my living room, always the same one. Third, I pick out which album I listen to.
For example if I'm numb with depression and a little nostalgic, I'll pick The Goslings. Fourth, as I'm walking I pick out where I go based on how I feel, if I'm lonely, I'll sit under the substructure of the bridge along the canals and watch the lights dance on the reflection of the water.
If I hate the world and everything in it I'll walk past the more urbanized sections of my town, the shopping centre, the schools etc. Things that irritate me so I can revel in my hate even more.
If I feel claustrophobic and need to be alone, I'll go along the factories that make up half of my town. Fifth, when the album or albums if I need them are almost over, I'll start making my way back, loosely tracing the path I took to get there.
Sixth, when I get back home I'll grab a drink or something and sit in silence for a while, reflecting.
the first time I listened to "Selected Memories From The Haunted Ballroom" by The Caretaker was, as usual, on a night walk.
Normally night walks are comforting, but this time was anything but. What ensued was an hour and fifteen minutes of panic, disorientation, anxiety, I think I started hallucinating at one point. This genuinely made me feel like I had dementia.
I haven't listened to this album since, I think it might really be haunted.
At one point as I was confusedly stumbling through a harbor along a large concrete factory (Haitsma) where I walk quite frequently, I'm pretty sure I saw a ghost. It was way in the distance, It looked like some dark robed figure, it was tall, like more than 2 meters tall.
It stood still but I could see it moving ever so slightly, I had that feeling that you get when you know someone's staring at you, but from all directions. I pulled my phone out to record it to make sure I wasn't hallucinating it, and I actually got it on camera (in android camera quality of course)! The following morning I came back and it was gone. Spooky shit.
Suprised I haven't heard about the Sonic Itinerancy project before, I only really listen to music on night walks or when I'm riding the train to the GGZ (dutch mental facility), I've never thought about the fact that I'm moving.
I think when you're going somewhere and listening to music, it makes your life feel like a movie. Night walks feel a lot more emotional, with the freedom of not being confined in a room or bed and the added privacy of the night you can freely do whatever, you can dance or scream or cry or walk in the middle of the road and no one will even notice. Even better if there's an especially scenic or comforting place in your town, it can make it a lot more beautiful.
I remember walking along the bridge over the canal and watching the factory lights in the distance flicker in the water while it snowed and The Goslings - Windowpane started playing, which is a break/interlude in a very emotionally intense and noisy album (Grandeur Of Hair).
Album recommendations (for listening while moving)
1. Ophidian - Blackbox
2. Fifth Era - See You In Hell, FE#5-10
3. Aftermath - Aftermath EP, Live @ NCL Scum
4. The Goslings - Grandeur Of Hair, Perfect Interior
5. Christoph de Babalon - Love Under Will EP, File Already Exists, Continue [Y/N]?, If You're Into It, I'm Out Of It
6. Joel Giraldou - °A-Septic°Test°1, °A-Septic°Test°2
7. DJ Enthrall & Angstorm / D.K Dance - 45+8-01
8. Meatpacker - Negative Impact
9. Clinical Trails - Systema
10. Girnų Giesmės – Kerai
11. Burial - Untrue
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