Another guest piece by one of our anonymous authors.I've been in the Hardcore Techno scene for over 27 years. I made lots of releases, played at plenty of parties, met a lot of people...
So, I've want to give an account, a warning, to those who newly entered the scene, as producers, DJs, creative minds... about some of the darker pitfalls you can run into. And especially the unexpected ones.
And I think, what I experienced, is not only valid for the Hardcore area; but the Techno scene as a whole; music scenes as a whole; maybe even life as a whole.
So, when I got into Hardcore Techno, in the early / mid 90s, the dominance of capitalism was not complete yet. I.e. not everyone had the sole aim of making money in life. And not every artist had money as his singular desire; this was especially true for underground scenes like gabber, punk, rap, computer music...
I had lots of ideas in my young mind, but my most important aims were to start a political revolution, and to help other people, especially troubled ones, and amongst these, those that suffered mentally. And I intended to create music in order to pursue these goals; to use music as a powerful tool for "propaganda", to infuse tracks with a sense of defiance, rebellion, spunk, that hopefully crossed over to other people, and all the other ways in which music and media can be used as a forceful weapon, too.
of course, I was not the only one with these ideas, and they did not even originate with me; there were several groups and artists within "hardcore" that claimed the same.
So, I got "into gear", I began my production, and I began spreading these sounds. At first slowly, but then more and more thoroughly.
I expected I would meet a lot of opposition; by "the system", authorities, maybe even upset citizens, and so on. But that did not really happen. Instead I met fierce opposition by the very thing that I considered an ally; the hardcore scene itself. "keep your politics out of hardcore", "you stupid anti-fascist pig", and worse; death threats began to pile up, and often were delivered "in person" at a location where I did a gig; and since I'm not much of a "street fighter", I often had to find clever ruses to avoid a physical confrontation with these Nazis and 'sneak out of the backdoor' again; but this is not what I want to talk about here, maybe somewhere else in the future; even though this was bad, I don't think it was the worst thing.
Because, in retrospective, I think much more dangerous where those people that posed as "friends", but tried to strip me of my innermost aims; and instead tried to steer me towards "money", "fame", "success", and all these other infernal concepts.
"hey, I really love your music and everything, but if you could get rid of these horrible political messages... much more people would like you, you will see!"
"we all have to make a living, right? so if an artist gets famous and makes a lot of money... should one really blame them?"
that was some of the bullshit people started to tell me in one way or another, and even more stupid stuff.
"you know a lot of people tried to change the world... they started revolutions... but that only made everything worse. so it's pointless to put your energy into political stuff. you won't get anywhere this way."
or:
"music should be about partying, having a good time... stop wondering about philosophy, or politics, or any of that. just 'shut off your mind' for a while, and enjoy yourself..."
"don't worry so much, don't make your life so hard. just live your life and enjoy the pleasures that come your way, like everybody else does".
and
"oh, what you do in music is not bad... if you get a bit more professional, go after the money, just change a few things, you could get really big".
when you start out, it seems so easy to evade all these "clever lies"...
but when you go on, and life gets harder, and the world gets together, and your "friends" keep whispering these things in your ears... all the time... it's like a poison that slowly sinks into your brain into your heart.
maybe i was "too weak" to resist, but i think it happened to other people, too.
because it's one thing if there are nazis or other obviously fucked up people yelling at you or threatening... why should you change your mind because of that?
but if people that are friends, that seem to be anti-conservative, intelligent, well-meaning, smart, bold, deliver the poison to you... it's much harder to not swallow it. and especially if this "poison" is held by almost everyone you know and encounter. it's almost like a "bodysnatcher" movie... you wonder "can i really be the only person that was not turned around yet? maybe i am really wrong, and they are the right ones".
so, yes, i started to listen to the lies, i did not stay on the course, i began to swerve, and in the end my music, my life, become completely de-railed.
it was a slow burning process, i paid less and less attention to politics in my tracks, or my task of helping others, until i dropped all this and really began to produce music for "fun, party, and enjoyment", and i paid for this and it all ended infernal.
it took me many years to recover and get back to *what i really felt and thought in the first place* - but maybe I have not fully recovered even now.
so this is my word of advice to newcomers, and everyone else really:
always stay true to your heart. to your mind. to your soul.
to what you believe. to what you desire. to what you know is the truth.
there are many, many people in the "scene", and all around the world trying to feed you beautiful poison that is the more deadly the pleasurable it feels.
they pose as friends or as well-meaning strangers.
but if it's running against your intuition, against your innermost convictions, then what they tell you is dangerous.
noone knows better than yourself what your art is about. noone knows better than yourself what your art *should be* about.
"money, fame, power, and success" stink and it's an odor you can never wash off.
so walk on the path that *you* choose, and that noone else can choose for you.
stay true to your core. stay true to yourself.
